The Annoyance
MH is a dick but guess what? So is ML! I sure know how to pick um.
MH proceeded to sleep through Easter because I snapped at him for rolling his eyes when I asked for assistance in getting the meal for 15 guests on the table.
Apparently, I embarrassed him.
Actually, I kind of feel bad for that.
Sometimes I can be mean and I really don't want to be. MH brings out the worst in me. Then again, so does ML so I suppose I am better off staying away from these two people entirely.
ML and I are communicating regularly.
As "friends" or whatever.
I am making no plans to go out of my way to see him at this point and if he wants to see me, he will be doing the planning, flying and paying. He is thinking of coming with the kids and I on our summer vacation.
I look at that as a "test" which sounds bitchy but bitchy is what I do best.
I am not going to "threaten" him with terminating the relationship because every time I do, he gets me back somehow. I just know that in as much as I hope that he gets the strength to make us a family eventually, if he can't make this vacation happen, he can't make anything happen.
MH is probably staying in the picture until ML makes up his fucking mind.
Oh, I must correct myself on his behalf....
He has MADE up his MIND, (he is just too much of a weakling to act upon it.)
I am tired today. Tired of the bullshit and tired of always having everything on my shoulders.
Where's my Marlboro Man?
The Hit Counter
I have a hit counter at the bottom of the page which shows 205 hits as of today. Who are you people? Are you just clicking next blog and stumbling across my ramblings? I really don't care if people comment but I am curious if there are people that check in with this site.
This is my second blog. My first one is very popular and gets over 500 hits per day so I am not seeking attention and readers for this one but as I said, just curious.
ML and I have not talked, text or chatted on line today. That may not seem like such a big deal but going from hundreds of contacts a day to zip is a bit strange. Am I upset? Not in the least. Is he? I have no earthy idea.
I do hope he emails me about what happens with the lawyer he is "supposed" to see Friday and the marriage counselor where ML is "supposed" to break the news about wanting a divorce to LW.
I am not a particularly needy person but recently, I have begun to feel a vacancy in not sharing my life with anyone. MH and I never had that kind of relationship even when we got along.
What am I doing?
The Breakup
Ml and I have broken up yet again. I hope this one sticks but it probably won't. He promised not to whine or cry to me and make me feel bad so maybe I can be strong this time and just get the fuck out of this mess.
He's never going to take care of us. He is too weak. ML can't even manage to tell his wife he wants a divorce! Apparently they are going to a marriage counselor next week and he plans to tell her there!?!
MH and I are getting along for now. That's because we have been having sex and men for some reason always feel closer to their women after getting laid. You'd think it would be the women that feel that way, but in my experience, no.
So much for prince charming saving me from myself.
Another weak man that I have to lead around. Are they all that way?
The Whatever
ML and I are talking, making plans for a possible cruise in June so he can get acquainted with my kids. Who knows if that will happen?
MH tried to climb in my bed this morning to get laid. Wasn't happening. Now I have to listen to his big "plans" for us later tonight.
GGGRRRR.
What am I doing?
The Wimp
Sorry been gone here and there. ML and I have been on a roller coaster ride from hell and I finally asked him today to simply disappear. He isn't going to leave her and that is FINE. Why can't he just say that and save his marriage? I told him I am not going to see him again until he ends his marriage.
Make a decision dude so I can make one.
He can't, he won't, whatever.
Then stop fucking whining over losing me you fucking wimp! Geez.
The Husband
MH and I have a love hate relationship. He loves me and I hate him.
I only wish I were kidding.
Why am I still with him? Simply because it is the easiest thing to do right now. Leaving him is difficult and inconvenient. It will also be devastating to him. Who needs that shit if I don't have anything else to go to?
MH knows he is on borrowed time. He is well aware I am unhappy with the marriage and wish it had never taken place. I also think he realizes if he walked out tomorrow and I never heard from him again, I wouldn't shed a tear. My feelings for him are apathy, pity and occasional loathing.
That is it.
I will say that ML has shown me a glimpse of how a solid relationship could be.
However, I am really really bad at relationships. I am simply too moody, dominant and independent.
So, what am I doing?
The Text Message
ML and I are in different time zones. His being the earlier. I received a text at 6am with his picture and a good morning. Due to the fact that I had just responded to his email of last night, I assume that is how he knew I was up. It freaked me out and I relayed that fact to him in my response. I also think I mentioned the word stalker.
Later in the morning, we spoke on the phone and I asked him what the hell he was doing awake at 3am? He replied that he was "thinking" and "had a lot" on his mind. I basically told him the shit that I summarized in my last post. I also told him that I really don't care if our relationship continues at the point. He didn't take too kindly to that.
Lets face it. The guy is making no move to plan a concrete future with me. It is all in some distant future when he gets the balls to take control of his own life. He blames his wife for "poisoning" everything he touches. Oh please, if he had moved a long time ago, both our lives would be very different right now.
One thing I will never be is the "other" woman. He can sleep on the couch and fight with his wife all he wants but she is still HIS WIFE and until he figures out what he wants, he needs to stop fantasizing about his life with me.
